— Unknown (via loghostlerms)
You may not be physically cheating, but your mind is. You may think that it is okay to do that, when in reality it is not. Good changes within you may happen but for now I am still hurt and the wounds are just getting deeper. You are cutting them deeper. I have dealt and hung on to so much shit this past year and I’ve realized that I need to start taking care of myself once again. Not only have I slacked off physically and with my appearance, but also with my emotions. I keep hanging on to the love I have but the string is getting thinner. Soon enough when you are *back to normal* I will be to far from the top and once again stuck in that big shit hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper every time I fall back in. I have come to the conclusion that it is okay to fall and look for comfort in others but after a while changes must be done, lessons must be learned. I need to start climbing back to the top even if you are not there to catch me when I slip and fall or the rope rips apart.
I will not stop loving you, but I will start loving myself and my freedom again. A couple of months from now I hope to say once again that *I’ve made it*. I feel the storm in my head turning into a tornado again but this time I will seize it before it throws my world upside down. The words *I was born alone, I will leave alone* is one of the things that always manages to bring me back to reality. I have been stuck in a stupid fantasy and living inside my head far too long without breaking down. I have ignored my emotions and my surroundings way too long. I am only hurting myself. I have been in this place before; however this time it is really really different. I still can not grasp myself to MY reality but soon I hopefully will. I tell myself things will get better but I am only lying to myself. I have been relying too much on people to show and feel the love when I have not even been doing that to myself. It is time to stop being selfish and greedy of those around me and it is time to be greedy and selfish with myself.
I have been physically here but I have been gone. I am regaining the strength once again to be who I once was. However, this time I am doing this on my own. No more begging, No more tears, No more relying, No more waiting, No more hoping. I can now say and actually believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason. I’m climbing back to the top and getting far away from that cliff I always seem to find myself in. It is time to go back to where I first started and find my way around once again.
I know which path not to take.
I may have been stuck in my head for way too long but I now know what is good for me and what is not.
I may have no hope for anyone around me, but I have hope for myself, & that is all that matters. I will love you to the end of time, I will not change my feelings, but once you walk away again, I will too. I can not keep chasing like I have been for months. I’m done chasing and looking for answers. If you truly care, you will return the favors and will stop me if I ever walk away.
Enough is Enough.