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I just don’t show it & that is my problem.
AlI really want to do is go home but not home. Not looking forward to moving back to shitty ass NJ with its shitty people & my shitty ass life style. I have/had so many opportunities living in the city but how can I take advantage of them when I’m here physically but my mind has been lost for months. I don’t know what to do or what to believe. Don’t know if to finally let myself break down or to just once again ignore it. I need signs, I need realization. Why can’t the semester just end? But even if it does what am I suppose to do if I still feel so lost. The only way to be found is by losing myself even more but I know that’s the wrong thing to do. I can’t go back to sophomore year. It may have been filled with laughters but it was also filled with mind fucks, lies and tears. I’ve driven myself to insanity, how much longer until I destroy myself. Those around me are now being slowly effected by who I am now. I just need to let go and move on from what’s hurt me the most even if its what I want the most. The day will come when you’ll understand. The day will come when I’ll find people who love me for me with all my *complicated* flaws. The day will surely come when My life will be at ease and when I love myself once again. The day will come when I’ll be happy. It may all hurt me right now but it had to be done for the future, my future. It’s time to finally be me. Time to take care of myself physically and mentally. .